Uncertain Love
by egflynn96
Summary: A college AU where Emma hates Killian, the schools wealthy playboy, and tries to avoid him at all cost. And Killian has been secretly in love with Emma for years. But the universe has other ideas because they keep running into each other. Will Emma be able to let down her walls and give Killian a chance? (originally posted on AO3)
1. Frat Party

"Come on Emma live a little, your case studies or whatever it is that you spend ALL of your time studying will still be there when we get back." Ruby was using her winey voice again, she even pulled out the puppy dog eyes.

Emma figured going out for a couple hours wouldn't hurt. It would actually be a nice break from the seven hour long study session she just pulled. They didn't need to know that though.

"Uggggghhh fine I'll go." Emma winced as Ruby let out one of her bloody curdling squeals that sounded somewhat like a howl.

"Oh Emma we will have some much fun tonight!" Emma had to give it to Mary Margret, she did need a little fun.

"GIRLS NIGHT" screamed Mary Margret and Ruby at the same time.

"Oh god I'm not going out with you guys if you are going to act like little girls" Regina said earning an eye roll from both Ruby and Mary Margret.

"I am not wearing _this_ " Emma said while pointing at the atrocious pink and white floral dress Mary Margret made her try on. It would look cute on her, but Emma thought it just made her look like a school girl.

"Oh come on Emma you look so cute!" insisted Mary Margret.

"She does _not_ want to look _cute_ tonight, she wants to look hot and I have just the dress for that." Oh god, whatever Ruby was going to force her to try on was surely going to be skin tight and obscenely short. She herself was wearing a black snake skin mini _mini_ skirt and a red corset looking tank top with red sky high heels. It was quite funny seeing her and Mary Margret standing next to each other. Ruby in her super tight and short outfit, and Mary Margret in her flowy pink dress. Ruby slipped out for a second and returned with this super tight looking red shirt.

"Okay I will try the shirt on but what am I going to wear for bottoms?" Ruby looked at Emma like she asked her the stupidest question of the year.

"Emma don't be ridiculous this isn't a shirt… it's a dress" Ruby said while rolling her eyes, and then she shoved her into the bathroom to try on said "dress". Holy shit! Emma couldn't leave the dorm wearing this dress. It barely covered her ass, she could barely move in it, let alone breathe, and her cleavage was just way too much. "I look like someone you would pay to go home with you" Emma thought. She opened the door and Ruby of course loved the dress, and Mary Margret looked appalled by it. Then Regina came in and just handed Emma a black dress and turned around and walked away. Emma went back in the bathroom to try Regina's dress on, it couldn't be any worse than the other two she tried on. Emma opened the door to show her friends.

Mary Margret looked all smiley and said "Oh Emma its perfect."

Ruby on the other hand said "I guess it is okay" which earned a shove from Mary Margret. Emma did have to admit, she loved this dress. It fit her just right, it fell mid-thigh, showed just enough cleavage, and made it look like she had curves! Emma curled her hair, put on a little bit of makeup and her black pumps and called it good.

When they got to one of the fraternities that was having a party, Mary Margret immediately found her longtime boyfriend David, who happened to be Emma's step-brother. Those two were always joined at the hip. Emma had to admit though, they were really cute together. Ruby left shortly after to find Victor, her- well Emma didn't really know what he is to her. And Regina decided to stay home last minute saying that she forgot about a paper that's due or something. Typical Regina. So it looks like it's was just Emma. Emma decided to start exploring the house and as she made her way through the dance floor, not one but two guys grab her ass. She decide to find the kitchen and get herself a drink because she was definitely too sober for this. The only alcohol out was some spiked punch, which Emma was not about to drink because who knows what's in there. So she decide to go through the cabinets till she found a bottle of vodka that she settled on. Emma took two shots of that when another idiotic jock came up behind her and grabbed her ass. Emma kneed the guy in his junk and followed it up by saying _"Really?!_ Do I have a sign on my back that says grab my ass!" She turned around after the guy left cursing and took another shot,

"Wow that poor guy didn't even know what was coming to him." Ugh Emma knew that Irish accent anywhere. It was Killian Jones, the gorgeous player that had a different girl every weekend. Oh and did she mention he's super rich, so he is pretty much your typical wealthy playboy.

"Ugh you're not going to try to grab my ass are you? I wouldn't want to damage your goods too."

"Don't worry _love_ I was just trying to have a conversation."

"I'm _not_ your love….." Emma absolutely hated when he called her his love. Yup Emma did not like it at all. "… now will you go find some other unfortunate girl to hang around."

"Now Swan as you know I am nothing but a gentleman and as said gentleman I cannot leave you here to drink by yourself…. And I feel it is my duty as a male to help warn others in my species to stay away from you in order to keep their jewels intact." It took everything inside Emma to suppress the eye roll that she so desperately wanted to throw his direction.

"Jewels?! Really, what are you a pirate?"

"Hmmm… well swan I do like to pillage and plunder." Now that did deserve an eye roll. Like come on he uses enough innuendos, but to make a pirate one. "Oh come on Swan you know you love me." Emma can't deal with this anymore so she grabbed the bottle of vodka and start to walk away as Killian grabs her arm. "Swan I'm sorry, you don't need to leave." Emma shrugged out of his hold and make her way towards the crowds of horny young adults.


	2. Unwanted Rescue

After a few laps around the party just cemented Emma's hatred of drunk frat parties, Emma realized that she need to get some air. She gripped her bottle of vodka a little tighter and made her way to the back door and onto the empty deck. The longer Emma sat there by herself just enjoying the warm night, the more she started to relax.

That is until she was rudely interrupted by some drunk frat boy stumbling onto the deck. Emma tried to ignore him but of course he spotted her right away and made his way to sit right next to her.

"Hey babe! What's a girl like you sitting out here by herself for." He started to lean closer and closer to her with every word. And the closer he got the stronger the smell of alcohol was.

"Just trying and apparently failing at getting away from everyone." Emma said as she pushed him away from her a little.

"Oh don't worry babe I'm here to entertain you. And I've been told I'm good at entertaining if you know what I mean!"

"Yeah no thanks." Emma said as he started to lean towards her again. She pushed I'm away hoping that he would get the hint that she wasn't interested and wanted to be left alone.

Well I guess that's a no Emma thought and he leaned in close to her once again. "Come on babe it will be fun!"

Next thing Emma knew the drunk frat boy was being hauled up by his collar. "I think the lady said that she wasn't interested and that she wanted to be left alone, _mate_." If looks could kill then the guy would definitely be dead right now based on the look that Killian was giving him.

"Whatever. She wasn't worth it anyways." And with that he made his was back into the house.

"You alright lass?" Killian said while holding out a hand to help Emma up. After a moment of staring at his hand she finally decided to let him help her up. When she was standing up straight again she immediately let go of his hand as if it burned her.

"I could have handled him myself you know… But thanks for your help anyways." Emma turned around a left without waiting for a reply from him. She just wanted to find her friends and get out of there and back to her bed.


	3. Hangover

Emma groaned and rolled over to stop her alarm from going off any longer. As much as staying in bed all day sounded, Emma had a lot of work to do for class tomorrow. Plus she needed to take an advil because her head currently felt like a jackhammer was going off in it.

As Emma made her way into the kitchen she saw Ruby happily sitting on the couch watching one of her stupid reality tv shows and painting her nails.

"Seriously?! Do you even have a slight hangover?" Emma asked Ruby.

"Nope! You know me! Never get a hangover no matter how much I drink."

"Well you suck. Where are Regina and Mary Margret anyways. It's way too quiet here." Not that Emma was complaining.

"Mary Margret went over to Davids because apparently we are all going over to your brothers house for dinner tonight and she needed to help him cook. And as for Regina I have no idea where she is." Really Emma didn't have time for one of Mary Margret's Sunday dinners. She had a test on Thursday and she wasn't even remotely prepared for it. Ugh the things she will do for her brother and her best friend. Well if she was going to do dinner tonight then she need to start studying and make the best use of her time before she had to be there.

"Well I'm going to head to the library until dinner. I'll meet you there?"

The only answer Ruby gave was a nod of her head. Emma went back into her room and took a quick shower, threw her hair into a messy bun and put on a pair of leggings, her favorite oversized sweater and her thick black rimmed glasses. It wasn't like she had to look nice she was just going to the library and then Davids.

After a quick stop at a cafe for some coffee Emma finally made her way into the library. Something about the smell of old books always relaxed Emma and helped her concentrate on her work. Emma said good morning to the librarian Belle, being on first name basis really showed how much time Emma spent here, and then made her way down to the basement to find her favorite study spot. There was a little study room tucked into the back corner of the basement that not many student knew about, which meant it was the perfect place for Emma to hide out because no one was ever there and no one ever bothered her.

Except today. As Emma made her way into the room she noticed that someone was sitting at her usual spot, and of course that someone would be Killian Jones.


	4. The Library

"You've got to be kidding me!" Of all the people on this campus that could have stolen Emma's spot in the library it had to be Killian freakin Jones.

"Well it's nice to see you too lass." Killian said with one of his signature smirks.

"Ugh I don't have time for this, I will just go find somewhere else to work."

"Now lass just because I'm here doesn't mean you have to leave. There is plenty of room for both of us to work in here." He was right, there was enough room for the both of them. But chances are he would try to flirt with her the entire time and she didn't know if she could deal with that right now. She had so much work to do before her test this week.

"Don't worry Swan I'll keep the innuendoes to a minimum." Killian said as if he could sense the battle that was going on in her head. "Besides I actually have work to get done."

"Ha! Are you trying to tell me that you actually do your own work. Here I thought that you just paid off your professors." Emma was expecting Killian to throw a witty response back at her like he always did. What she wasn't expecting was the shadow that seemed to cross Killian's face.

"Surprisingly Swan I like to earn my grades." Fuck she really messed up this time. You would think by now Emma would know what was and wasn't appropriate to say.

Emma didn't know what else to say so she just crossed the room and sat down at the other side of the table. "Alright I'll stay here but it's only because this is my favorite spot to work. It has nothing to do with you…Just so we are both clear."

There Killian was smiling again, well it was more of a smirk but either way the awkward tension was gone. "Oh and Killian?" Emma waited until he was looking at her before she finished her sentence. "Thank you again for helping me get that guy away from me at the party last night."

"Think nothing of it Swan. It was the gentlemanly thing to do." And with that they both started to do their work. This time when the silence descended on them it wasn't awkward.

She tried to ignore it but Emma could feel Killian staring at her. She wanted to ask him what his problem was and what he was looking at, but she knew that would be an invitation for him to start talking, and Emma really didn't have the time or patience for that. Although surprisingly she was able to get a decent amount of work done in the last two hours.

"You know most men would take your silence as off putting, but I love a challenge." Apparently the world had it out for her though because Killian started talking to her anyways.

"Just trying to get as much work done as possible before five." Shit Emma knew she messed up by responding but the look he was giving her now was starting to make her really regret speaking.

"Oh now love, do tell me what happens at five hmmm? Wait no let me guess! You have finally discovered what a dashing rapscallion I am and you are holding yourself back until five when we will get out of here and have some real fun."

"Ha! In your dreams buddy." God did Killian really have to run his tongue over his teeth like that. Well she was just going to have to put him in his place. "For your information I'm going to my brothers house for dinner so no I will not be leaving here with you today or ever for that matter."

Shit she apparently made another mistake judging by the shit eating grin Killian was giving her. But what she had no clue. "Oh darling it looks like we will be leaving here together after all."

What the hell did he mean by that? "No were you not even listening to me, I'm going to my brother's apartment for dinner."

"Well Swan it just so happens that I'm going there too."


	5. Really!

This had to be some sort of joke. "Why the hell would you be going to my brothers apartment?" She could feel her temper rising so she held her breath and counted to 10.

"Well you see love, my lease on my apartment was up and I was talking about it to your brother the other day…"

"Wait since when do you talk to my brother?"

"We have a few classes together this semester and its not like we were never not friends but anyways getting back to what I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. It just so happened that he had an extra room for rent in his apartment and he offered it to me. So of course I took it, the rent was cheaper than my last place and it gives me more opportunities to see you lass." Killian finished his statement with one of his signature winks.

So much for Emma trying to control her anger. "Yo have got to be kidding me. Of all the apartments in this city you just had to pick to live in my brothers?! Really?! And its not like you couldn't afford to have an apartment to yourself so I'm not buying your little speech about the rent being cheaper"

"You're right Swan I could afford to get my own apartment, however I don't always like to be alone. I do actually like to have roommates. It wasn't my intention to make you angry, so for that I am truly sorry Emma. And if you really are uncomfortable with the idea then I can always find a different place." Emma couldn't even sense a lie in anything that he said. Damn Killian for actually looking sincere in his apology.

Emma couldn't believe she was about to say this. "No you don't have to find another place to live, that would be ridiculous. Plus you finding another place would be screwing my brother over and thats not fair to him. And I don't apologize often so cherish this moment but I am sorry Killian. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. It was just a surprise is all, and I don't do well with surprises." She said all this without making eye contact with him once.

The silence that followed her speech was seemed to last forever but Emma could tell Killian wasn't going to respond until she made eye contact with him. The faster she looked at him the faster this awkwardness was over right?

"Thank you Emma for not making me find another place and thank you for your apology, although it wasn't really necessary." He paused for a moment before continuing. "But I did happen to notice that you didn't have your car keys in your hand when you came in so if you didn't drive I could drive you over to your brothers place."

"No really it's fine I can just walk and anyways…"

"No Swan I insist. What kind of gentleman would I be if I let a fair maiden walk by herself to the place I also happened to be visiting. Plus I told them I would bring the dessert and I have no idea what to get to I will need some assistance with that."

As Emma thought about it she realized it would be silly for her to walk when he was going there anyways. And really it was only a short drive, what could possibly go wrong. "Ugh fine you can drive me but I'm really only saying yes because I can't have you messing up the dessert."


	6. Dinner

Emma and Killian knocked on David's door about 20 minutes later than they were supposed to be. "Shit! We are so late. Mary Margret is going to kill us."

Not even a second later the door opened reveling a very confused and slightly angry looking Mary Margret. "You're both late and the food is getting cold so get in here. Wait…. did you two arrive together?"

"Yes we did come together, we were both at the library and Killian offered to drive me so I didn't have to walk. It's not a big deal. And sorry for being late Killian waited till the last second to pick up dessert"

"Excuse me lass but I wasn't the one who spent 15 minutes trying to decide on what dessert to get that was all you."

"Yeah but I couldn't decide, and really if it wasn't for me you would have bought those sad looking cookies and then ruined dinner."

"Would you two stop bickering like an old married couple already and help me set the table so we can eat sometime in this century." David yelled from somewhere inside the apartment, most likely the kitchen. He always did get a little grumpy when something came in the way of him and his food.

"We do NOT act like a married couple David." Emma shot Killian a glare wondering why the hell he wasn't defending them but all he did was shrug and gesture towards the kitchen while saying "after you lass."

"What's for dinner mate?" Killian said when they reached David in the kitchen.

"Well Mary Margret decided tonight will be Italian night so we have spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread and salad." David said while handing everybody a dish to bring to the table.

The look Emma shot Killian screamed "I told you so" before she turned to to David with a triumphant smile while walking towards the table. "It just so happens that the dessert that _I_ picked are cannolis, which fits perfectly with tonights theme."

After everyone placed the dishes down the four of them took their respective seats around the shabby chic dinning table that Mary Margret insisted David buy. Mary Margret and David were on one side while Emma and Killian were on the other.

"So Killian tells me he is your new roommate. What happened to Robin?"

"Oh didn't you hear Emma, Regina and him decided to move in together. Isn't it just so romantic. I'm just so happy that they found each other after everything that they've been through." Mary Margret practically had heart heart shaped eyes while talking about Robin and Regina. Now that Emma thought of it Mary Margret always had that look in her eyes when she talked about anything slightly romantic. She definitely was a strong believer in fairytales and happy endings.

"Not that all this talk of romance is boring or anything but can we please eat dinner now I'm starving." Emma added with an eye roll.

Dinner went by rather quickly and Emma realized that maybe having Killian join their "family" dinners wasn't such a bad thing after all. Emma couldn't remember the last time she smiled and laughed as much as she did tonight.

The night ended with the promise that the four of them were going to meet up for drinks that Friday night and Killian insisting on driving Emma home.


	7. Drinks

The week seemed to drag on forever for Emma. She was so grateful that it was finally Friday. She told herself she was only excited because her exam was over and that she could have sometime to herself this weekend without worrying about her school work. But deep down Emma knew that she was mostly excited to spend time with her favorite irishman tonight. Wait what?! Where did that come from. Emma must still be delusional and overtired from her exam, there was no way Killian was her favorite anything.

Emma had nothing to wear, she had already been through six outfits and none of them were right. What the hell was wrong with her this was just drinks with her friends and brother it didn't matter what she wore. So then why is she so god damn nervous and why had she just spent the last 30 minutes going through her wardrobe. After staring in her closet for another 5 minutes Emma decided to just throw on a pair of skinny jeans, black see-through tank top and her favorite red leather jacket.

After about two hours at the bar with her friends and a several drinks later Emma excused herself to use the restrooms. One of the downfalls of drinking was that she always had to pee so much. As Emma made her way to the ladies room she realized she was stupid to be nervous. She was having an amazing time with her friends.

Emma exited the ladies room and saw Killian casually leaning against the wall in the little hallway. Jesus he looked like a freakin GQ model. "Is there any reason you are waiting outside of the ladies room? Is there something you need to tell us Killian?"

At the sound of her voice Killian's head snapped up to look at her with a grin plastered on his face. "I can promise you lass, I am all man. No need to worry about that. And besides M&M and Dave were getting sickening sweet while you were gone and I had to get away."

"I keep telling myself that I will get used to how lovey dovey they are but it's been 5 years and it still makes me nauseous." And just as Emma was finishing her sentence some girl pushed right passed her knocking her right into Killian. Suddenly Emma felt herself pressed toe to chest with Killian. Once she looked up she knew it was a mistake. His eyes grew darker and god why did he have to smell so good. Emma couldn't decide wether to look in his eyes or at his lips. Both seemed just as bad and it seemed like he was having the same dilemma. But then a door slammed and Emma jumped back. "Sorry about that. Bitch could have at least watched where she was going, or said excuse me."

Why wasn't Killian saying anything, a comment like that usually always got a reaction from Killian. After what felt like hours but was probably only a couple of seconds of Killian staring at Emma, she nodded her head towards the bar. "So I need another drink and I think I remember David saying that the next round was on him." That seemed to snap Killian out of whatever daze he was in.

"Right you are lass. I could use another drink and I'm not going to pass up on a free one." And with that they made there way to the bar and back to their friends.

After several rounds of drinks, a couple of shots and several games of pool and darts later it was clear that David was hammered.

"Hey guys I'm going to take David home now. He might seem fine now but I know him and I know that within 30 minutes he is not going to be feeling so well." Mary Margret said while pointing to David who was laughing ridiculously at something one of the bars tv's.

"Do you need help getting him home M&M? I mean I do live with the man."

"No no you guys stay here and finish your drinks, I will be just fine on my own. Plus I'm stronger than I look." Mary Margret tried to prove her strength by flexing her muscles but honestly she just looked silly doing that while wearing her bird printed dress and cardigan. Oh and Emma don't wait up for me I'm going to stay with David tonight."

"Yeah ewww that's way too much information." Emma tried to put on her most disgusted face. But honestly it was cute that they took such good care of each other. Most people would be pissed that their boyfriend or girlfriend got this drunk while they were mostly sober.

David let out another particularly loud laugh again. At what Emma still had no clue. I mean the guy was watching hockey. What could possibly be so funny. "Well on that note I better get him home. Bye guys. I had so much fun tonight, we need to do this agin soon. And text me as soon as you get home Emma."

"Yes _mom_." Emma said with an eye roll. It was quite comical to watch Mary Margret trying to get David to leave the bar. Then again it didn't take too much persuasion on her part taking it that David did everything she asked.

Once Mary Margret and David disappeared through the exit Killian turned back towards Emma. "Well that was quite comical to watch. What do you say to one more more round on me lass before we call it a night?"

"Well since you are buying. I mean I can't give up a free drink." Emma said while Killian motioned for the bartender to refill their drinks.

Next thing Emma knew they had finished their drinks and were exiting the bar while talking about horrendous first dates. "A couple months ago Mary Margret set me up with this guy, he was some friend of a friend, and she swore that we were going to hit it off. I mostly just agreed to it to get her off my back though. I mean he really wasn't that bad, boring but he couldn't help it. Anyways so he's walking me home and tries to do this grand romantic gesture of pulling us to a stop in the middle of the street and kissing me, and he did but it only lasted for about 5 seconds because then he ran to a garbage can to trow up because he had food poisoning."

As Emma finished her last sentence Killian started laughing hysterically. "Oh my god Swan, you were such a bad kisser you literally made the guy sick."

"Hey I'm not a bad kisser, the guy really had food poisoning!"

"Or he just was trying to be nice and didn't want to tell you that you are a horrible kisser. However you can tell yourself that it was food poisoning if it helps you sleep at night."

"I am NOT a bad kisser. In fact I'll have you know that I have been told by several men that I'm an excellent kisser."

"Well love there is only one way to really settle this argument."

Was it just Emma or did it suddenly feel like it was a thousand degrees out. And when the hell did they get this close to each other. "Oh please you couldn't handle it."

Killian swayed even closer to her. "Or perhaps you are the one who couldn't handle it."

Killian barely had time to finish his sentence when Emma grabbed him by his jacket and kissed him with everything she had. After a second of shock Killian kissed back. And man could he kiss. They stopped for a brief second to catch their breaths before going in for more. This time Killian wove one hand through her hair and the other around her waist pulling her even closer to him, if that was even possible. When he traced her lips with his tongue Emma didn't even hesitate before granting him access. After what could have been hours or minutes, Emma didn't really know, Killian pulled back a little.

"Emma….." Killian breathed out against her lips. "That was…"

And just like that the spell was broken. This was Killian. _Killian Jones_. The rich playboy who slept with a different girl every weekend. He was just probably doing this in hopes that she would have sex with him tonight. But then why did he have to look at her the way he was looking at her now, like this meant something to him. Like _she_ meant something to him. No he probably looked that way every time he kissed a girl.

"A….. a one time thing. A mistake. I'm drunk you're drunk and we're not thinking clearly. And I haven't gotten laid in a while." And now she was rambling. Why did she even say that last part. God Emma just needed to shut her mouth before she said something really stupid. Something she would regret. "I'm sorry, like I said I was drunk. You don't have to worry about this ever happening again."

And with that Emma turned around and waked away from Killian with out so much as a second glance.


	8. Should she give him a chance?

It had been two weeks since Killian kissed Emma, well technically Emma kissed Killian but who's keeping track right? Two weeks. Fourteen days. It should have been plenty of time for Emma to pull her shit together and face Killian to clear the air. Or at least come to terms with it herself but no, it's all Emma has thought about. Why did she kiss him in the first place? Okay that was a stupid question. Killian's hot, like ridiculously hot and even Emma knew that. And they were drinking so put those two things together and it makes perfect sense why she kissed him. The real problem Emma was trying to figure out is why the hell is it the first thing she thinks of when she wakes up and the last thing she thinks about before she goes to sleep. Even her dreams aren't safe. They started out just about the kiss but slowly they stared to evolve to less appropriate dreams. And the last four nights in a row Emma has had a sex dream about Killian. And quite frankly this is getting ridiculous. Should she see a therapist? Should she talk to Mary Margret about it? No she cant talk to Mary Margret about it. If she does Mary Margret will start planning the wedding and she just can't deal with her optimism right now. No Emma needed to just clear her schedule and mind and figure her shit out today.

Well that plan lasted about an hour until she heard a knock on her door. And it wasn't any knock, it was the most cheerful knock that has ever existed in the history of the world and there is only one person who could possibly be on the other side of that door. Mary Margret. It's like she knew Emma thought of her earlier. Taking a breath to control her emotions, Emma got up to answer the door and sure enough Mary Margret was on the other side of the door. But instead of looking her overly cheerful self she looked sad, even hurt. What happened? If it was something her brother did then Emma was going to kill him.

"Emma Swan is there a reason why you hate me all of a sudden. I don't remember doing anything to warrant that hatred."

Well at least now Emma didn't have to worry about going to jail for killing her brother cause apparently she is the reason Mary Margret looks so sad. "Mary Margret what are you talking about? I could never hate you. Come here." Just as Emma went to go hug Mary Margret, she side swept her and kept walking into the apartment. Which was even more weird because Emma isn't a hugger so any time she actually offers one Mary Margret usually jumps at the offer.

"Well then why have you been avoiding me for the last two weeks. We have never gone so long without seeing each other. And don't say that we talked on the phone because three minute phone conversations and short text exchanges don't count." Shit. Emma really fucked up. In her attempt to avoid Killian, she ended up avoiding Mary Margret and David as well. "I mean you didn't even come to family dinner. I can't even remember the last time we weren't all there for it." Now Mary Margret had tears in her eyes.

"Mary Margret I wasn't avoiding you, I would never even think of doing that. Its just… I've been so busy lately."

"Oh come on Emma you are always busy but we always make time to see each other. And if it's not me you are avoiding is it your brother because I know sometimes he can be stupid but he loves you and even he doesn't know what he did."

Fuck Emma was really messing this up. "No Mary Margret it's not you or David. I'm sorry I made you feel like I was avoiding you. It wasn't my intention."

"So if it wasn't something David or I did then why are you avoiding us. Who else could it be? Unless… are you avoiding Killian." Damn she hit the nail on the head. "It is isn't. I can tell by the look on your face that it's him. What happened? You guys were getting along so well at the bar. Shit did he do something stupid. I'll kill him if her hurt you."

"Mary Margret he didn't do anything." Mary Margret just stood there looking expectantly at Emma and damn Emma didn't want to tell her but here she is about to spill her guts. "Okay it was me I messed up. Well it really wasn't a mess up. I mean I knew what I was doing and to be honest I wanted to do it but I just handled it so poorly and he probably hates me now. And…"

'Woah woah woah slow don't honey. Take a deep breath and tell me what happened." Mary Margret directed them to the couch so they could sit.

"I kissed Killian." Mary Margret looked shocked and like she was about to say something and Emma had to continue before she did or she would never tell the story. "I kissed him and then he kissed me. And then I told him it was a mistake and that it would never happen again and then I left him and I feel horrible about it. And if the problem was that I regretted the kiss then whatever that would suck but I would tell him and either he would be okay with it or he would hate me but that wouldn't be in my control. But the problem is that I don't regret it at all. In fact I'm happy I did it and its all I've been thinking about for the last two weeks. And I know that this is probably too much information but I've even been dreaming about the kiss and more enjoyable activities with him and it scares me. It scares me to death because I want him but I don't want my heart to be broken again. And he will break it because I will just be another conquest to him and I cant deal with that." Damn Emma didn't realize how much she needed to get out.

Mary Margret just sat there for a second before she put her hand on Emma's arm for comfort. "Emma honey not every guy is like Neal. Not every guy is going to break your heart. I'm not saying that Killian is going to be the love of your life and that you won't fight or even that it will last but Emma don't not take a chance on him if you have feelings for him just because you are scared. And as for the playboy thing, when is the last time you actually saw Killian with a girl. Because let me tell you I haven't seen him with one girl since he met you. And you know I don't believe in coincidences so maybe he has feelings for you too."

Maybe Mary Margret was right maybe she should take a chance on Killian. "So what should I do?" Emma knew what she needed to do but she needed Mary Margret to say it to her.

Mary Margret just smiled and looked at her knowingly. "You need to talk to him. See how he feels."

"Hmm… okay I will but can we talk about something else now?"

It had been two hours since Mary Margret left and Emma has been thinking about how and when she would talk to Killian.

"Screw it." Emma grabbed her leather jacket and threw on her boots before practically jogging out of her apartment. She might as well get this over with before she overanalyzes it more than she already has.


	9. Feelings?

"Ugh get your shit together Emma and go in there and face him. Its just Killian not some three headed dog monster." Emma whispered to herself as she walked up and down the hall way to Killian's apartment. Well technically it David's apartment and Killian is just renting a room for him. And shit what if David's in there, and what if he answers the door instead of Killian. And what if Killian isn't even there at all. Maybe she should have called before she came over here all determined.

"Emma? What are you doing here? If I had known you were coming I would have told Mary Margret to come over here instead of going out to lunch. I can call her real quick and tell her we have a change of plans."

"Hey David. And no don't change your plans, go out and have a wonderful date with your girlfriend. I was actually here to see Killian anyways. Is he home?" Emma tried to ask in the most nonchalant way which wasn't fooling anyone taking it that she was rubbing her flower tattoo on her wrist. And anybody who knows Emma knows that when she's nervous she rubs that damn tattoo. But thankfully David didn't say anything about it.

"Yeah he just got out of the shower. I'll see you later though. Maybe if you are still here when Mary Margret and I get back we can all go see a movie or something."

"Sounds like a good plan, now don't let me keep you from your lunch date." And with that David hugged her and left to go on his date. Great now Emma had no reason to stall anymore and its not like she could just leave now because David knows she was here and he will definitely ask Killian about it. So Emma did what she came here to do and knocked on Killian's door.

"Swan… What did I do to deserve you on my door step?" The first thing Emma noticed was how fucking good Killian looked wet. Now don't get her wrong Killian looks good all the time but damn. And its not even like she can see his whole body. He's wearing clothing and is completely covered but his hair is still soaked and there is one water droplet running down the side of his face. The second thing Emma notices is that the second he opened the door his face dropped. But not even two second later he had his signature grin plastered on his face.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minutes?"

"Of course love. Come on in." He stepped aside and made a grand sweeping gesture with his arm to point her in the right direction. "Can I get you something to drink? Soda? Water? Beer? I'm sure we have some wine somewhere?"

"Water is fine. Thank you." Its like he could sense that she needed a minute to collect herself. Maybe he needed a minute too. He was back in what seemed like a second with two glasses of water.

"Here you are my lady. Should we ummm move somewhere more comfortable like the umm couch or if you want to stand that's fine too."

"Killian." She said, effectively silencing him. "The couch is fine."

After a minute or two of each of them taking turn sipping their water and awkward silence Killian cleared his throat. "Right then. You said you wanted to talk about something?"

"Right about the kiss..."

"Emma I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable. I shouldn't have kissed you before asking if it was okay first."

Emma put her hand on Killian's arm, silencing him. "Killian don't apologize. You weren't even the one that started the kiss. And if anyone should be apologizing it should be me. I shouldn't have walked away from you like that after. And I shouldn't have avoided you these last two weeks its just…Well honestly I didn't know how I felt about the kiss and seeing you would have just made me freak out even more than I already was and I"

"Swan, you're rambling,"

"Right well what I came here to say is that I don't regret the kiss. I understand if you do, that's fine I just don't know what the kiss means. Well I know what it means to me but I don't know what it means to you."

"Swan? What did that kiss mean to you?" Killian was staring at her with a half hopeful half guarded face. Honestly she didn't blame him given the way she treated him after said kiss. So she took a deep breath and decided to just spit it out.

"It means I have feelings for you. And maybe I want to see what these feelings mean."

"Swan are you saying that you might let me take you out on a date."

A date… Emma going out on a date with Killian Jones. Fuck why is Emma all of a sudden panicking over one word. What did she expect to happen when she told him she had feelings for him. Was the room suddenly suffocatingly hot or was it just Emma?

Killian must have sensed Emma's internal panic attack because he reached for both of her hands and put them in between his. "Emma if its too soon then we don't have to go on a date we can just….. watch a movie her or even just eat take out and play on the Xbox. It doesn't have to bea anything fancy."

"Yeah we could do that. But then eventually we would go on a date, several probably. And everything would be fine, great really. But then it will be over. I know it won't work."

"Swan…. Emma love, look at me. I promise you that if you give this a chance. Us a chance. Then I will do every thing in my power to make you not regret this decision. I will try my hardest to never let you down. I can't promise that I won't mess up because even though I may act like it, I'm not perfect. I'm a bloody fool sometimes. Me waiting this long to tell you about my feelings proves it. Actually I haven't even really told you that I have feelings for you. But I promise you Emma I do in fact have feelings for you.I will fight for us. I will fight for you."

"You can't possibly promise me that Killian. Everything sounds great now and yeah maybe we will be happy but then I will do something to mess this up or you will tire of me and decide I'm not worth it and leave. Everybody else has so why would you be any different."

"Emma I will never tire of you. And I would never leave you. Even if you asked me to, I would probably fight you on it and stay by your side. Because the thing is Emma, I cant stay away from you. I tried in the beginning because although it may seem like you are the only one scared of us being something, I was scared. I was bloody terrified. I didn't think I would be capable of loving anybody again and then I met you and I could see myself falling for you, I could see a future with you so I hid behind my playboy, cocky persona to try to distance myself from you. But the more I was around you the more I wanted to be my actual self. I want to try to be a better person when I'm around you Emma."

"Killian you don't know what you are getting yourself into. I'm too damaged."

"Emma I'm damaged too. I'm not going to go over the list of all the things in my past that have damaged me tonight, but I would like to tell you them in the future if you give us a chance…. Maybe us being together will allow each other to slowly put ourselves back together. Or at the very least we can be damaged together."

Emma just kept looking down avoiding eye contact. Killian out his hand under her chin and gently pulled her head up so that he could look her in the eyes.

"Emma darling. My love. Please just give us a chance. You are the smartest, strongest, most beautiful and amazing person I have ever met and I know I probably don't deserve you but I want to try to prove to you that I am worth your time."

At this Emma started crying

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry if I upset you in some way."

'No Killian I'm not upset, I…. I, I've just never had somebody say all those nice things to me, let alone say that they will fight for me."

"Well everyone else is a bloody fool to not be able to see how amazing you are."

"Killian I know I'm damaged and I always want to take the easy way out but I do want to try. I'm going to try my hardest not to run every time I get scared. Because I like you and I've never felt this connection with anyone else before and now I'm rambling but…"

Killian cut her off with a kiss. This kiss was nothing like the other ones they've shared. This one was passionate, caring and healing all at the same time. "Emma I've never felt this connection with anyone else either."

Emma leaned back into him and kissed him some more. Emma tried to make the kiss deeper but Killian stopped her before she could.

"As much as I would love to make out with you right now I think we should maybe slow down."

"You're probably right. So…. How about that date."


	10. First Date

A/N:Hey guys, sorry for the delay in updates. Between finishing my finals, moving, applying for a new job, and being sick with not only strep but mono too, i haven't had much time or energy to write. But I am going to try my hardest to update at least every other week. Sorry again for the delay. Hope you like this chapter. :)

Emma and Killian had fallen into a comfortable routine in the last two weeks since deciding to give their relationship a try. Mostly hanging at Emma's place since Mary Margret moved in with David and Emma did not want to fight over space with them. When they weren't at class or studying together they alternated their time between watching Netflix and making out like teenagers, but hey it was fun. Emma was currently cuddle together with Killian on her couch watching some horrible movie that was on TV that neither of them were interested in but both were to lazy to change.

"So Swan I was thinking. How would you feel about going on our first date tomorrow night?"

"What do you mean go on our first date? Did you forget the four dates that we have already had Killian?" Emma said while simultaneously pulling away from him and giving him a look that told him he should choose his next words very carefully.

"Emma you know what I mean. Like our first real date. The other ones don't really count."

Killian had never seen Emma look so angry in his life. "Bloody Hell this is all coming out wrong. Lass you know what I mean. Of course those dates count and they were real but I want to take you out on an actual date. Outside of this bloody apartment. Now don't get me wrong Swan, I love cuddling on the couch and watching Netflix with you but I want to take you out on a real date. Show the world that we are together."

After a pause that Killian thought could have lasted hours or minutes, he wasn't really sure, Emma finally turned back at him and released a sigh along with the angry look she had on her face.

"Sorry for overreacting the way I did. And a date tomorrow night sounds lovely." Emma said while shifting back so she was once again cuddling his side.

"No need to apologize lass." Killian said before kissing the top of her head and returning to that crappy movie.

Emma heard a knock on her door just as she was finishing the final touches on her look for her date tonight. She was only partially embarrassed to say that once Killian left the previous night she immediately went to her closet in search of the perfect outfit to wear for their date. After she looked through her closet she realized she had nothing to wear. All of her usual date dresses didn't feel right since she usually wore them only to attract a guy for a quick fling or she wore them for… nope she wasn't going down that train of thought right now. She just needed to quick run out and find the perfect dress and she did. She bought a beautiful pale pink dress that ended just below her knees, showed a hint of cleavage, and was completely different from what she usually wore. She paired her dress with nude pumps, a high pony tail and simple makeup. Emma quickly grabbed her clutch before all but running to the door. When she answered the door she realized how cliché she was because he literally knocked the air right out of her with how handsome he looked. He was wearing a dark blue dress shirt, black vest and leather jacket. Oh and did she mention the dark form fitting jeans he was wearing. Damn no one should look that good in jeans. She didn't want to say out loud how good he looked cause the man had quite the ego but she was sure the look on her face gave her away.

"you look stunning swan"

"you look…."

"I know."

Yup he knew exactly how good he looked. "Okay how about you lead the way to wherever you are taking me."

"Right this way swan." Killian said as he held his arm out like a proper gentleman for her to take.

"Okay but seriously where are you taking me? You know I hate surprises."

"Oh but if I told you what fun would that be."

After rolling her eyes quite dramatically Emma added. "Well if you are trying to kill me I'll have you know that at least 3 people know I'm going out with you tonight so you won't get away with it."

As it turns out he took her to Tony's, a romantic Italian restaurant, that just happened to be her favorite.

"How did you know this is my favorite restaurant? Did Mary Margret tell you, because I told her not to help you."

"Well I didn't actually know that but it does happen to be one of my favorite so I thought I would see if you liked it." Killian said while scratching behind his ear.

Dinner was perfect. The food was great, there wasn't any awkward pauses in their conversation. After dinner Emma thought that they would just go straight back but Killian surprised her again by taking her for a walk by the docks before heading back to her apartment.

"So… do you want to come in for some _coffee_ or you know something else?" Emma said with a seductive tone.

"While that might sound like a bloody fantastic idea lass, I don't want to rush things."

"Oh come on I know you want to. I mean really would you be Killian Jones if you didn't have sex on a first date." Emma regretted saying that once it flew out of her mouth. The look that crossed Killian's face made her heart ache. "Killian…. Shit I didn't mean that."

"No worries Swan, you're right. That's all I could seem to manage relationship wise. One night stands and all that."

"Killian stop. You know I am horrible with words and I shouldn't have been so careless with them. I wasn't thinking. And I definitely didn't mean them. I know that you aren't the same guy that you were. Would the old, one-night stand only Killian, plan an amazing date at a romantic Italian restaurant followed by an even more romantic walk by the docs. Or would he spend the last two weeks curled up with me on my couch watching Netflix in our pajamas. No he wouldn't. Okay? So stop with the self deprecating thoughts."

"Swan I didn't mean to upset you, it's just that I'm trying my hardest to change. To be a better man for you. And of course I know that you mean more to me than a one-night stand but its hard to change the way you view yourself."

"Killian I get it. I'm not usually a relationship kind of girl and it scares me to death that I want to be one now." They were silent for a moment as Emma let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. After a few more seconds Emma burst into laughter. Laughing even harder when she saw the look on Killian's face. "Oh shit." Emma got out before more uncontrollable laughter. "I'm so sorry. You must really think I'm crazy. I just…. I mean what a heavy fucking conversation to have after a first date."

Killian face lit up at her, adding a few chuckles of his own. "Well lass, if your offer still stands, why don't we see what's on TV and have some actual coffee."

"Sounds perfect."


End file.
